Universe Crumbs

Sometimes it seems like the universe leaves you little breadcrumbs of inspiration and hope when you most need them. Little clues that you're on the right path. Lately I've felt like I'd stumbled off that path into some cold, jagged, horrible place where any tiny breadcrumbs were hidden deep in the shadows or gobbled up by grimy little poisonous creatures scurrying at my feet. The only way to save myself was to blow a hole in the side wall and back-track a bit. It was scary, but I've done it and I can already feel the warmth from up ahead and have found my trail of breadcrumbs once again.

Maybe you know what I mean, maybe you don't.

The other day I wandered onto campus wearing a brown button-down with rolled sleeves, a pair of dark comfy jeans, a cute new pair of sandals, and my DG sunglasses that I seem to have acquired from who knows where.  None of this really matters other than to say for one of the first times in a long time I felt cute, confident, happy, and motivated. I had a chai latte in hand thanks to Alex Runde as we both walked over to the Stephen Bissette demo and boy did the day feel good. Stephen, a cartoonist and graphic novel artist, was doing a drawing and inking demo while talking about his own work as well as giving tips on how to get into the field. As I walked in the room and turned the corner I felt a sinking feeling as I realized that even on my tip toes I could hardly see Stephen's face, let alone what he was drawing. Everyone was crowded around in a tight inefficient circle trying to see what he was doing as he spoke. With some craning their necks and others clambering to secure a spot standing on one of the few nearby drawing tables I found a little hole that I could peer through and decided his talk would still be worth the hours of standing and not being able to see. Glad I didn't forfeit my plans because little ray-of-hope-breadcrumb number one came after his first two drawings. As he switched pages he had everyone switch places. Anyone who couldn't see was to move to the front and secure a good spot for themselves and all who had just been able to watch him had to mosey on to the back. It's those little things that can make your whole day and sometimes in some small way reassure you of your life's choices. As if one tiny thing working out means you planned your day well after all instead of wasting your time and you suddenly have life all under control. Silly, but often that's how it feels. Maybe my mood is just easily influenced. So anyway, right up front in perfect eye-line of Stephen Bissette, I let myself get carried away by his talk of finding what you love and doing it no matter what and by his seemingly effortless inking of a dark vampire and a suspicious old man. He talked about how some years things were so good that he could work on all his own projects and then how other years he had to take any job he could find just to pay the rent, but that no matter how it was going he loved what he did and loved to keep it fresh and try new media and work on new material. Hearing his joy and passion seep through into his words was so inspiring. I jotted down a handful of notes and left chuckling, with a glow of excitement.

By that time Alex was long gone so I wandered over to the school library. Since reorganizing my life (you know, blowing a hole in that side wall?) I've been trying to make the most of my time and do things that I usually don't think I have the time for. I browsed the shelves for a while, picking up books on comics, on animation, on design, and then wandered my way back out into the sun. And wouldn't you know it, breadcrumb number two. Sitting out in front of the library is a squeaky old cart covered in VHS tapes with a little sign attached to it that says "Library Give-Away." Pushing a few uninteresting movies out of the way I uncovered a tape of old classic cartoons. And then a documentary on American Cinema. And then another. And another. And...well you get the point. I ended up leaving there with an armful of old VHS on film noir and westerns and other cinema. I guess to some that might not seem like a sign from the universe, but to me...it's like that feeling you get when somebody gives you a big warm smile to show they understand you and your face can't help but smile back. It's like the universe was saying "Hey, because you went for it today, you went to a demo, you got inspired, you wandered through the library...because you did all of those things, here's a little reward and a reminder that this is what you love, this is what you want to do."

Sometimes at Ringling, and in life in general, you can feel as if you're losing yourself, like maybe you never wanted to be in the arts, or do what you're doing, and you can't quite remember how you got in so deep. When it gets like that you just have to find those breadcrumbs again, find those little things in life that remind you to smile and make you feel 'right', even if it means blowing a hole in the side wall of that cave and running with all your might in another direction for a while. Eventually you'll find those crumbs again and they'll lead you back out into the sun.